How we Might be Seen by Others

Posted 08.24.2016

How we Might be Seen by Others

We all function through frameworks we develop from an early age. These frameworks or “mindsets” determine how we react, how we analyze, how we plan and how we make decisions.

Professionally speaking, we negotiate with our “business” or external mindset, as opposed to our “personal values” mindset.

Our business mindset starts to develop independently when we are first exposed to institutional behavior in daycare or school.

Those infamous words “But my teacher says…” are a good example of a young mind trying to reconcile differences between the personal world and the external world.

The more experience we gain, the stronger our external skills become. We continually develop those skills and fine tune them to meet our needs.

Our business mindset is simply the skills we have learned to best function at work and in dealing with the real world. Who do we trust? How do we best approach our boss with a particular problem?  How do we convince the decision makers that our idea is right?

But what happens when our business mindset isn’t enough? What do we do when it’s clear we aren’t making our points stick?

When sufficiently challenged, we fall back to our defense mechanisms. These defense mechanisms reflect our personal mindset…our values, beliefs and our instincts.

We see ourselves as conveying the more fundamental arguments of common sense, or of right and wrong.

However others may see us as no longer being objective. They may perceive us to be interjecting emotions or subjectivity. In turn, we might view their counter-arguments as now becoming personal.

The better we understand how we might be seen by others, the better we can control our message and its effectiveness.

An understanding of, not only our similar and differing professional goals, but also of possible shared or differing values, helps us to move each stage of negotiation to a new and higher level.

Problems cannot be resolved at the same level that they were created.

Similarly, we can’t solve those problems at the same level we were at when we created them.